More Than A Feeling
August 25, 2021

This morning as I was running errands, a song came on the radio that brought a huge smile to my face and my heart.  I turned it up, leaned back and said “Good morning, Hagen!” 

It was his favorite song.  A song he loved so much, he was insistent that it be played at his funeral.  Of course, when he assigned the task of making sure it was played to his little brother, neither of them knew how soon that would happen.  At 16, and still in shock, Weston looked at me and said “We have to play Boston.”   He didn’t have to tell me where it was to be played or the title of the song, I knew. 

Hagen always felt he wouldn’t live to be an old man.  Something had prepared him, and in some ways me, for him to leave us prematurely.   That feeling, or perhaps more than a feeling, had led him to make sure that we knew how he wanted his going away celebration to be. We honored it, and him, by including all of his “favorites”,  so much so, it felt as though he was still here, even as we planned his funeral.   He had left that body, but he hadn’t left us. 

This morning as I listened to “More than a Feeling”, even though I knew the words and have for decades, I heard them for the first time.  A song  about losing a love, remembering that love, and getting lost in beautiful memories of that love, is what he left for us.   That boy was so remarkable, and God is so good, that even his favorite song, his goodbye song, was put it place as if written as part of his life’s story.  Because it was. 

I can’t help but smile and shake my head.  Oh, how I miss him, and oftentimes I think about how much I want to share with him, but on mornings like this, I can’t help but “feel” that he knows.   That on certain days and occasions, the veil is parted so he can see and in those moments be present, perhaps even more so than when he was here. 

It’s more than a feeling. 

I got a great big hug this morning. 




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