Now I Walk Alone - Nicole D'Andrea
November 12, 2021

My favorite thing about working at the airport is walking into work. Seeing everybody hugging their loved ones and wishing them safe flights makes my heart happy. On the flip side, I hate leaving work. It’s dark, cold, holiday ads are playing over the loudspeaker, and I’m going home to a literal silent night… except for the piercing screams of Joey as she taunts Ranger and then plays the victim.  

When Vince died, the flowers were blooming and since the leaves have started falling, I can’t help thinking of this season that I’m in. Through great struggle, comes great growth. I’ve lost an interest in the gym and DIYs but I’ve taken an interest in traveling and philanthropy and now know how to let a lot of stuff go by emotionally picking my battles, because really, there’s a bigger picture and a lot of the bulls__t just doesn’t matter anymore.  

This season has not been a growth in spirituality, financial lessons, and actually has been a decrease in physical wellness. This season has taught me the emotional growth that I’ve needed all of my adult life.  I’m very blessed in material assets, thanks to my sweet husband, but I’d give it all back to see his pirate smile and hear his baby voice yell from the bedroom, “guuuuppppyyyyyy, bring me an energy shot”.  I’m also blessed spiritually with having meaningful connections in a church that I love.  

But since losing Vin, I’m learning to decipher what feelings are real and what feelings are made up in my head, how and when to say no, and what works for me vs what works for others-I’ve been forced to work on ME.  I’ll always love my husband, my ride or die, my partner, my best friend, my lover, and my partner in crime but I’m realizing the enormity of when I said “now I must walk alone.”  And since I know he’s smiling down at me and watching my every step, I’m ok with it. 

I love you forever, Vince D'Andrea. #7months

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