May 14, 2019

Mother’s Day opened up a well inside of my soul and despite my best attempt to fight off sadness, it was bigger than me and my strength.  Tears have flowed frequently and without warning.  I have cried and cried and cried and I’m tired of crying.  I’ve stood on promises knowing they would not return void and I’ve praised Him as best as I could, but these emotions and tears have worn me out.

I have to get my drivers license renewed today, and on a good day, I wouldn’t want to do it, but especially not today.  The luggage under my eyes combined with the fact that I could, without warning, get stirred up again says not today!  But the great state of Arkansas says today is the day, so I have no choice.

I showered (yay me!), I dried my hair and put my clothes on but I’ve put off applying makeup. Because, tears.  The best way to put off doing anything is Facebook or Netflix and since my hair is fixed, Netflix wasn’t an option.  Scrolling through Facebook I found this video.  God is so faithful to minister to me through music and remind me of things I’ve forgotten.  Of all the scripture running through my head the last three days, I forgot that while the storm was raging, and the disciples were trembling in fear, Jesus was sleeping.  It was their cries that woke him from his peaceful sleep, and because He heard their cries, He calmed the storm. Their cries woke the Master.  Yes, I was crying while I listened to the lyrics, but each time she sang “their cries woke the Master'' those tears, that crying, detached from the root of sadness and clung to the fact that, in my storm, my cries woke My Master, and He calmed the storm raging inside of me.  By the end, all tears, all sadness had simply disappeared. I needed that reminder this morning, and in my procrastination, the Lord spoke directly to that storm.

I still don’t want to go to the DMV but that well is dry now and I’m ready to put makeup on. I’m no longer afraid of my mascara running and concealer is going to take care of that baggage.  I feel good!  Hopefully I’ll look as good as I feel because I’m going to be stuck with this DL for the next 8 years.

I love you all so, so much and I’m always aware that many of you are going through the same thing I am.  When I pray for me, I pray for you.  Take the time to listen and let Him calm your storm.

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