TOo maNY
December 5, 2020

The most priceless gifts I’ve received in the last almost two years were not purchased for me.  Instead, they have been precious gestures from individuals who, in some cases I’ve never met, and in most cases never knew Hagen.  Any mom that has buried a child and waits with expectation for the reunion that is to come will tell you we do not want our child forgotten. We cling to our memories, speak their names in the present tense, and sometimes yes, we talk to them.  We will never forget them, and each time someone shares a story or picture or even says their name, it is the sweetest of sounds. 


They.  Aren’t. Forgotten. 


This has been a particularly rough week.  I can’t tell you why I’ve felt my loss so intensely the last several days, only that I have.   There are a million reasons and none at all.  That’s the complexity of grief. 


Having faith but being a weak vessel has taught me to take that pain directly to Him, and when I’m willing to let go of it, He takes it.   Sometimes we play tug of war with it, and when I’m trying desperately to let go, but can’t, He sends one of those precious gifts. 


This one came from Marcie Massa, a sister of loss, a sister in Hope, and a sister in Christ, who loves big in honor of her baby brother Tony and in the name of Jesus.  A beautiful woman who I love dearly, but have never met.


She filled and donated bags in memory of those who’ve lost their lives to overdose to All God’s People, an organization that will hand them out to the homeless in the inner city of Chicago, most of whom have mental health & addiction issues.  And she included my Hagen. 


Many times I watched him give his last dollar away to someone in need when I knew he couldn’t afford to do so.   He said he knew what it felt like and he couldn’t just ignore them.  I never fully knew what he meant by that, and honestly didn’t want to, but it was enough to increase his compassion and make him more appreciative of the support he had.  It was a humbling experience that he never forgot, and for me the sacrificial generosity that flowed as a result took the sting out of the possibility that my son knew what it felt like to be homeless.  Mental illness and addiction leads the most beautiful of souls to the darkest of places, and sometimes that just needs to be reminded they are loved and not alone in the battle.  Not only does this beautiful gesture by Marcie keep his memory alive, she is blessing the very people that he did.  As a result, this momma’s heart is full, the rough week forgotten and the pain now at my Savior’s feet where it will stay until the next time. 


“When God works on healing your soul, it’s not just for you. It’s also so you can help & bless others.”


I’m proud to share with you my very first “TOo maNY” Blessings Bags Project.  Each bag has been dedicated in honor of someone lost to addiction.  I’m so humbled at the outreach, donations & love and support. We filled 50! So many compassionate hearts.  Angels don’t only live in heaven, they are all around us here on earth. Believe.”


Thank you, Marcie!  Love you BIG!

 

#paint purpose #TOomaNY #HopeMovement


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