I love music, but one of life’s cruelest jokes is that I can’t carry a tune in a bucket. S’ok. I make the joyfullest noise you’ve ever heard! Music for me is like flipping through a photo album of my life. Each song has a memory, person, emotion, or experience attached to it, and because I have experienced so much, felt so much and loved so much, my iPod would make your head spin and your eyes roll. I will listen to songs I don’t even like because they remind me of someone or something precious, and for those three to four minutes I get to be in that moment with that person again. Music soothes me, encourages me and many times is my best friend.
What can I say? I’m a weirdo, and I own it.
As much as I love it, there are certain songs that I flat out refuse to listen to, and if you put a montage of photos of someone that has gone ahead to music, I’m out. I’ll turn the volume down and watch the video with no sound because I refuse to have a song attached to that emotion. Any songs that are written about what’s going on in Heaven are at the TOP of my list to avoid. I think it’s because I’m jealous and I don’t want it flaunted in my face that the ones I miss are there and not here. Of late a song that I have avoided almost militantly is “Scars in Heaven”. From the title alone I just know I don’t want ANY part of that. Silly song, you aren’t going to make me cry!
As with so many things in life, you can only run for so long, and that dang song snuck up on me this morning! It had been playing for a few moments before I even realized it. I started to turn it, but the lyrics shouted at me through the melody, and I pulled my hand away from the radio and just listened - with my ears, my heart and my spirit.
I didn’t cry. I didn’t even tear up. Instead, I smiled from ear to ear and thought “oh yeah, this is my new jam”. It was one verse that resonated with me deeply, birthing even more hope, and instantly this song I had avoided like a robo-call became the song of my life, my loss, and my fight to live despite my loss.
“Until I'm standing with you in the sun, I'll fight this fight and this race I'll run
Until I finally see what you can see,
The only scars in heaven, they won't belong to me and you
There'll be no such thing as broken, and all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now, even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in heaven are on the hands that hold you now”
Fight? Run? That’s me. That’s you. That’s what we are doing now and at our finish line are the ones we miss so dearly. Our time will come - it’s inevitable - and one day we will be standing where they are and all of the scars of this life will be no more. We won’t even remember how we got those scars, and if we do, we won’t even care.
Those same scarred hands that are holding our loved ones are actually holding US right now, and all of Heaven is cheering US on in this race. We can’t lose with those fans! I’ll fight this fight and this race I’ll run. I’m gonna keep fighting. I’m gonna keep running. I’m going to LIVE this life until it’s time for me to stand where they are. That’s where I’m headed! When it’s my time, I want to be able to share with my son, parents and grandparents that I fought and ran with everything I had and everything they left with me.
I won’t be avoiding any more Heaven songs. I know now they are just glimpses of things to come, and moments of refreshment during this race.
The full lyrics are below. I hope that you are encouraged.
Scars in Heaven
If I had only known the last time would be the last time
I would've put off all the things I had to do
I would've stayed a little longer, held on a little tighter
Now what I'd give for one more day with you
'Cause there's a wound here in my heart where something's missing
And they tell me that it's gonna heal with time
But I know you're in a place where all your wounds have been erased
And knowing yours are healed is healing mine
The only scars in heaven, they won't belong to me and you
There'll be no such thing as broken, and all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now, even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in heaven are on the hands that hold you now
I know the road you walked was anything but easy
You picked up your share of scars along the way
Oh, but now you're standing in the sun, you've fought your fight and your race is run
The pain is all a million miles away
The only scars in heaven, they won't belong to me and you
There'll be no such thing as broken, and all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now, even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in heaven, yeah, are on the hands that hold you now
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, for the hands that hold you now
There's not a day goes by that I don't see you
You live on in all the better parts of me
Until I'm standing with you in the sun, I'll fight this fight and this race I'll run
Until I finally see what you can see, oh-oh
The only scars in heaven, they won't belong to me and you
There'll be no such thing as broken, and all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now, even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in heaven are on the hands that hold you now.
~ Casting Crowns